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Rough Spot

by Brian Stankus

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1.
Broke 02:02
i'm too nervous to live here too restless to go somewhere else i can't support or protect you like i should i can barely get control of myself it didn't feel any better living life without all that weight i tried a hundred different units of measure but the message was always the same i told you i was broke empty pockets, fragile skull it's such a violent impulse any stirring to a sleeping swarm you try to gently contain all my flailing i don't mean to, but i catch you i've been searching out some peace of mind for my entire life that's why i'm always tired i can't explain the ways i try to my myself stable
2.
Short Bursts 03:03
i don't think much about jesus but i always reckon with the devil coming from below, biting off my toes i'm feeling like a ghost in my own home i burn out in short bursts i'm always eating my fingers till i can't open up my phone i'm feeling like a joke in my own home shut lines to satisfy me my ache won't let me be at peace
3.
Slick 03:11
i never knew myself to be my own captor there's so many minds just try to play nice anywhere i am, you come through so i take a spell for shutting my eyes it's the soft sting and the warm dull it's the hour train to the holy war it's all i can do to justify use but my motive is coming apart i never wanted a slick pickpocket but i sure got it he's right where i made him my insides tremble with fright so i stuff up my headphones to shut up my mind but it's not quite right there's only so much time
4.
Parking Lot 02:28
sometimes i wish i was irish so i'd have a place to place my admiration of brown liquor and silent stoics it's a lot to hold in i've got constant tension even in absence of peril there's always a stand-in what it must be to be free to move about unburdened i don't need these things i keep i spent five months being worried about my body a head full of guts a bowl full of blood i can't wash off me only so much i can hold there's so much, you know? even surrounded by peril i can always make my own what it must be to be free to move about without this i see this life flourish all the time i remember meeting my dad in a parking lot saying "i'm not sure where to be it's so much easier to separate, not only in name"
5.
Home 02:51
it's hard for me to feel stable on my feet but you keep me standing with your awkward hands and your smooth skin i don't know who i'd be without you i'm not sure if this life that i lead makes me deserve to be here but it's home it's hard for me to ever quell this unease that lives inside of me but i love the way you shoot awake and curse at me when i leave the window cracked at night i know that our path's not straight or very cute to tell when you meet new people at your school but even though i don't pretend to know where i'm going i know that you're there for me when i can't handle my own mind when it's all i can do to walk around at night you're there for me when i need to go home

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released December 29, 2017

Written, performed, and recorded by Brian Stankus
Mastered at Nada Recording by John Naclerio
Album art by Peter Mannka

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Brian Stankus Boston, Massachusetts

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